If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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