Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
