It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
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