Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
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