There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
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