I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
