btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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