Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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