dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
