Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
