What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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