Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
