This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
