beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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