She announced her abortion via fbk
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
