At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize