i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
