I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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