dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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