you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
