LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
