Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
