Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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