you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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