she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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