The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
