i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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