so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
