Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
