how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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