Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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