I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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