I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
