so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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