Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
