you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
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