We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I think people are normalizing furries
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
