I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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