We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
