First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
