i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Boobs are out for the taking
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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