I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
