i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
PANTIES FOUND
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