ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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