I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
