if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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