I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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