That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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