It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
