some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize