he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
