Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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