First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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