**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
