Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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