if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
