Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
