Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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