Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
