Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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