i just had sex bonerless
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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