he thought i was a dude.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
