My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
