I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
